Diaries of a Twenty-Six-Year Old Girl

As a woman who was tossed into spirituality, the hardest part of my journey was understanding that there was no specific blueprint.

There weren’t step-by-step instructions God had laid out for me, and I wasn’t going to be punished if I chose the wrong path.

For a long time, I was waiting for change to happen—not understanding that I was the change.

The universe wasn’t going to hand me a brand new life.

I had to build it.

That confused me, because I kept watching spiritual women say jobs weren’t for them. That surrender was enough.

But I wanted independence.

I wanted to be successful.

Intelligent.

Taken seriously.

All the things spirituality online made me feel like I wasn’t supposed to want.

Everyone kept saying, “trust the universe and it’ll all work out.”

And it did.

But that didn’t mean waiting passively for things to happen.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit this now, but there was a point where I genuinely thought if I made the aligned choice, the rest would just appear.

If I quit the job that wasn’t meant for me, something better would find me.

If I started the blog I felt called to start, money would follow because it was my passion.

That’s what I kept hearing.

“Trust the universe.”

“Take the leap.”

So I did.

And things did start to fall into place.

But spirituality can be misleading sometimes.

Because I still needed a plan.

I still finished my degree.

I still worked hard.

I still applied to internships.

I still had to build the career I wanted.

Many people said a 9–5 wasn’t their calling, and that’s okay.

But for me, I didn’t want to spend my life barely surviving and calling it peace.

I finally realized spirituality was never supposed to erase my desires. It was supposed to make me honest enough to admit them and strong enough to see them through.

The need for success was never wrong. Wanting more for myself was never wrong. I wanted independence. I wanted purpose. I wanted to be taken seriously.

Those desires weren’t proof that I was less spiritual. They were simply proof that I was honest about the life I wanted—and brave enough to build it.